Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Haiku:

oh, sweet pumpkin seeds,
stolen from the orange globe. crisp,
until golden brown.


witches, ghosts, and ghouls
frightening halloween delights
carved in the orange flesh


orange falls from above,
the color of pumpkins.
autumn is now here


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Coolest thing of the day:


Ok. I have just discovered (re-discovered?) the coolest thing in the world. It was crafts-day with the girls (which also included a couple bottles of wine), and I was all set to paper mache a popcorn bowl (because i've also recently discovered the amazing-ness of making your own popcorn vs. the microwavable packets of popcorn. seriously, it's amazing. you can do whatever you want to it. curry sprinkled on top is good....and whats even better is home-made kettle corn.....mmmm......kettle corn.....) but I didn't really have the supplies to make it, or the space, and I didn't want to get that messy (because i would be the one who'd have to clean it up. and when i say "i" i actually mean the roommate, even though he wasn't around for the duration of crafts-day, but he would do it anyway because i would have been sitting on the couch complaining about how drunk i was and not be cleaning up the mess, and he likes the kitchen clean.....and even though he knows i would eventually do it, he's just sweet like that and would have done it anyway. then i would have gotten mad at him for cleaning - because i would have felt bad, since it was my mess and not his and he hadn't even been around in the first place, and because he's a better person than me and that would have made me feel doubly bad). Anyway, we didn't paper mache, partly because of the aforementioned reasons, and also partly because shrinky-dinks were (literally) thrown on the table. (holy blast from the past, Captain Planet!)

Seriously. These are the coolest crafts ever. You can make whatever you want......we started out the day making lotus flowers and fruit and ended by making PBR cans, wine bottles, and bongs.

They start out this big...
.....and end up this big
(the cork is used as a sizing-reference)

The coolest thing about these though (besides being able to literally watch them shrink before your eyes) is that you can make them as detailed as you want, and even after they shrink......they STILL retain all of their detail! It's like they are miniature versions of their former-larger selves! (i mean, duh, i know that's what they are, it's just that they are so amazing i STILL can't get over it) AND you can turn them into magnets!

Anyway, as soon as I find out where to buy more shrinky-dinks, it will be Shrinky-Dink-Mania!! muh-wa-ha-ha-ha (
evil laugh)

Allie: Mandatory Sex Party magnets coming your way..........

Friday, October 16, 2009

An apology.

Dear Rambo,

I'm sorry I blamed you for breaking my camera. It wasn't (entirely) your fault (you were the one i was taking pictures of when it fell into your vase....but i know you didn't try to grab it and pull it in or anything. i mean, you don't even have hands, so how could you?) I'm sorry. I was upset, and I overreacted. And I'm also sorry that I compared you to Mr. T. That was rude and inconsiderate of me. You aren't him. You are your own fish, and I shouldn't put that type of pressure on you. I shouldn't expect you to be just like him, I should expect you to be you, however that may be (and i'll be happy as long as you are happy). I'm sorry.

Do you forgive me? What can I do to make it up to you? Another photo shoot? We can sit and watch tv......or have a staring contest?? (you are pretty good at those!) Do you need a toy for your vase? Maybe that miniature Buddha that was at the pet store??


Oh, come on, buddy.....please don't do this to me. I know your upset and hurt, but you don't need to give me the silent treatment! I said I was sorry and that I would make up for it! I know, I know. Money can't buy your affection and love back.....but I was hoping it would help......maybe??

Alright. Well........whenever you are ready. I'll be right here. Waiting for you to let me know how I can make it up to you......

......whenever you are ready......(you

Ok.....well, just think about it. Ok?

And, I'm sorry. (again)



PS: If it helps, my camera isn't broken I'm not even mad.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

How a fish named Rambo broke my camera

The roommate and I woke up to a little dusting of snow this morning. Oh, what a beautiful sight that was. (for anyone that doesn't know, i moved to montana last winter to work on the mountain and be a ski bum. i liked it. so i stayed. it was the first winter that i went up consistently, and i very quickly became addicted to that white powdery, no, no. i'm not talking about cocaine, i mean the white powder that comes from the sky...........anyway, i'm addicted) It may have only been an inch or so, but I didn't care. Snow is one of the most beautiful sights I can think of, because that means snowboarding season is almost here (or skiing, if you have so chosen to go that route). And the sooner snowboarding season comes, the sooner I get to use my beautiful, brand-new (last year's model) snowboard *le sigh* (it's a Pandora NeverSummer.....just in case you were wondering. because i know you were).

**this is were i would insert the picture I had taken of my new baby.....but due to the fact that my board and i have yet to have a photo-sesh, and, at the moment, my camera is in the process of trying to de-fog itself....those photos will have to wait. ps: mine is the black one **

Anyway, there was snow this morning. First snow of the season (technically, i suppose it was the second. but since i was on my way to seattle and missed the first, that one doesn't count). I was really excited and wanted to document the said snowfall. So I busted out my newly-charged little digital camera (being that i'm in the "process" of becoming a professional photographer i have like 5 cameras.....two of which are digital, one being a big fancy Nikon D50, the other being my handy little Cannon Powershot......which, i think, is/was? absolutely fabulous) and started taking pictures of our snowy deck. (that's our little tomato plant. i'm pretty sure it didn't survive the snow. it's looking a little pathetic now) That photo session didn't last very long because I was still in my pajamas and slippers, and, like I said, it was snowing. But when I got inside, I still wanted to play with my camera..........and then there was Rambo.
<------This is Rambo. Rambo is the replacement fish for Mr. T (may he rest in peace). It is all Rambo's fault that my camera is currently out of commission (hopefully not permanently, because if that is the case i'll be really really REALLY sad, and my have to resort to selling my body so i can buy a new one, because i NEED to have my cameras. i'll die with out them. i'm not even joking. i really will.) Anyway. Like I said. It's his fault my camera is broken. If he wasn't so damn photogenic, and red, and fun to take pictures of.......I wouldn't be in the situation that I'm in. So there I was, trying to get a good picture of Rambo. He's got this really cool black tint on the back of his tail, but he kept flipping around just when I was about to get it. So then I thought I'd try to shoot him from above (because you could really see how bright red he is)......and then........*plop*.......down goes my camera in his vase. (i think he was actually trying to steal it. Mr. T would never have done anything like that.....) It was hardly in there for even a second.......and I immediately pulled out the battery and the memory card and let everything dry out. That was at about 10:00 this morning, and the last time I checked (which was about 20 minutes ago) the lens still had condensation inside of it, and it was still foggy.

<------that is the picture I was taking when the "incident" occurred.

And that is the story of how a fish named Rambo broke my camera.

The camera is sitting by the heater. Still trying to dry out.

Thanks a lot, Rambo.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A eugoogooly

Sad news. Mr. T is no longer with us. He has expired. Passed on. Kicked the bucket. Joined the invisible choir. Croaked. Is worm food (which is kind of ironic, because fish eat worms). Went belly-up. Is sleeping with the fishes (literally). Has gone up to the big fishbowl in the sky.

Anyway, he's dead.

Here's what happened:

The roommate (who's finally home now! after being in the woods all summer, leaving me in the apartment all by myself with no one to talk to....except Mr. T) and I went over to Seattle for the week. I decided that instead of having someone come over and feed him and Dahlia (because that would be a little out of the way for any of my friends) we should just take them over to the roommate's parent's house and have his mom watch them. So we did. Then headed off into the sunset (it was westward, anyway.....the sun wasn't setting *quite* yet). Anyway, Mr. T. and Dahlia stayed behind in the living room (which happens to be one of the colder rooms in the house), and, apparently it got really cold that night. So cold that it snowed! And, apparently, beta fish don't really like the snow (or being cold).......and......Mr. T. just wasn't quite tough enough to pull through the night. He went belly up. Literally.

Anyway. I found out that Mr. T was no longer with us whilst stopped in a Starbucks sipping on the roommate's caramel coffee drink. Saddened by the loss, I decided to write a eulogy for our dear, late-friend, Mr. T.

Here it is:

Dear Mr. T.,

You had a very full life. I knew from the moment we met in the pet store that you would be coming home with me. I just had to have were the most beautiful blue and red beta fish I had ever laid eyes on. I bought you, brought you home, and put you in the nicest vase that I owned (which also happened to be the only vase i owned). You were also a very dear friend. You were always waiting for me when I got home, and were always excited to see me (especially when you knew that meant you were going to get fed), and you always were there to keep me company at night. You were always so thoughtful to never stay out late and make me worry about whether or not you were going to make it home alright. And remember that one time when I sat on the couch next to you, and you sat in your bowl, and we watched TV together? I'll never forget that. You weren't really much at the game of fetch (but, hey, fetch isn't for everybody, so don't feel bad), and you didn't talk all that much either.....but you sure did listen. You were probably the best listener I ever met. You were also the best guard-fish this world has ever known. You kept steady by your post at the door, and never once let your guard down. And although you may be replaced (we'll probably head over to the pet store to get another one tomorrow) won't be forgotten. We'll miss you, Mr. T. R.I.P

Sunday, October 4, 2009

How to effectively waste time:

Whether it's because you don't have anything to do, have something to do but don't want to do it, or just want time to pass by a little faster, here are five tips on how to effectively waste time (i know, because i'm pretty much a professional at it. i do it every day. only, to be a professional at something you have to get paid for it, and since i'm not getting paid at the moment i'm not a "true professional".....but thats just a technicality)

TIME WASTING TIP NUMBER ONE: sleep in as late as possible.....also: take naps.
Sleeping makes time pass by very quickly (especially effective if you are in the car. however, if you are the one driving, please don't take a nap. that is just dangerous for everyone else in the car). If you can sleep until 1 in the afternoon.....congratulations! You have successfully wasted half the day! For those of us who are unable to sleep in that late, try taking a nap at some point during the day.....or....continue on to the following tips.

TIME WASTING TIP NUMBER TWO: look around on the internet.
The internet is a GREAT tool for wasting time. There are, literally, thousands and thousands of websites you can browse through. You can play games (one of my favorite is mahjongg), read other people's blogs (or blog yourself! you can write about anything and nothing at the same time! blogging itself also takes up a lot of time.....why do you think i started one?), listen to music, watch funny videos of people doing stupid things (or just funny videos in general). The internet is like a giant vortex of information, tubes....and......whatever else the internet is made up of (little leprechauns???) will just suck you in for hours and hours and hours. Before long, you will suddenly look at the clock and realize "Holy crap! It's been 4 hours since the last time I looked at the clock!" (it's true. thats happened to me multiple times)

Since I don't have television, this tip is inapplicable to me, therefore not worthy of my time to elaborate.

TIME WASTING TIP NUMBER FOUR: staring at the wall.
There is only so much sleeping and interneting one can handle. When you have exhausted your ability to sleep and internet, try staring at the wall (or the ceiling). It is effective and can be very meditative. If you are lucky enough to have a textured wall or ceiling, try looking for different shapes and patterns (maybe you'll find the face of jesus or the virgin mary.....then you could charge people to come in and look at it and make millions!......or at least enough to go buy your next 6-pack)

Forts are fucking awesome. Everyone knows that. Not only would it take time to BUILD the fort, but then you could sit INSIDE the fort and do things! (like interneting....although, this only works if you have a laptop. a desktop would just take up too much space. staring at the walls, napping, coloring, reading, watching tv.....i could make a whole NEW list of things to do inside of a fort!) Then, not only would you have used up a good portion of the day, you'd also have a fucking-rad fort!!! (coming soon: how to build a super-awesomely-fanfuckingtastic-fort......with pictures)

So. There you have it. 5 effective ways to waste time. Have fun. Good luck. Don't do anything productive.