Sunday, October 4, 2009

How to effectively waste time:

Whether it's because you don't have anything to do, have something to do but don't want to do it, or just want time to pass by a little faster, here are five tips on how to effectively waste time (i know, because i'm pretty much a professional at it. i do it every day. only, to be a professional at something you have to get paid for it, and since i'm not getting paid at the moment i'm not a "true professional".....but thats just a technicality)

TIME WASTING TIP NUMBER ONE: sleep in as late as possible.....also: take naps.
Sleeping makes time pass by very quickly (especially effective if you are in the car. however, if you are the one driving, please don't take a nap. that is just dangerous for everyone else in the car). If you can sleep until 1 in the afternoon.....congratulations! You have successfully wasted half the day! For those of us who are unable to sleep in that late, try taking a nap at some point during the day.....or....continue on to the following tips.

TIME WASTING TIP NUMBER TWO: look around on the internet.
The internet is a GREAT tool for wasting time. There are, literally, thousands and thousands of websites you can browse through. You can play games (one of my favorite is mahjongg), read other people's blogs (or blog yourself! you can write about anything and nothing at the same time! blogging itself also takes up a lot of time.....why do you think i started one?), listen to music, watch funny videos of people doing stupid things (or just funny videos in general). The internet is like a giant vortex of information, tubes....and......whatever else the internet is made up of (little leprechauns???) will just suck you in for hours and hours and hours. Before long, you will suddenly look at the clock and realize "Holy crap! It's been 4 hours since the last time I looked at the clock!" (it's true. thats happened to me multiple times)

Since I don't have television, this tip is inapplicable to me, therefore not worthy of my time to elaborate.

TIME WASTING TIP NUMBER FOUR: staring at the wall.
There is only so much sleeping and interneting one can handle. When you have exhausted your ability to sleep and internet, try staring at the wall (or the ceiling). It is effective and can be very meditative. If you are lucky enough to have a textured wall or ceiling, try looking for different shapes and patterns (maybe you'll find the face of jesus or the virgin mary.....then you could charge people to come in and look at it and make millions!......or at least enough to go buy your next 6-pack)

Forts are fucking awesome. Everyone knows that. Not only would it take time to BUILD the fort, but then you could sit INSIDE the fort and do things! (like interneting....although, this only works if you have a laptop. a desktop would just take up too much space. staring at the walls, napping, coloring, reading, watching tv.....i could make a whole NEW list of things to do inside of a fort!) Then, not only would you have used up a good portion of the day, you'd also have a fucking-rad fort!!! (coming soon: how to build a super-awesomely-fanfuckingtastic-fort......with pictures)

So. There you have it. 5 effective ways to waste time. Have fun. Good luck. Don't do anything productive.


Allie said...

The fort one - it made me spit out my iced tea on Duncan's laptop. I'm blaming you for that one... I can't wait to see the fort pictures!

Oh, and I got tagged in this meme thing that involves me listing the blogs I like to read... can I list your blog? I think the world needs to be exposed to advanced fanfuckingtastic fort-building.

rambunctiously softspoken said...

be my guest in listing my blog! as of now i only have you and duncan as my followers....and i obviously am not going to tell anyone I KNOW about the fact that i blog.

as for my fanfuckingtastic will be coming soon. as will pictures, and (maybe?) instructions on how to build the most awesomely bad-ass fucking fort ever. (i just thought maybe i's wait until a few more people were reading my blog so i could maybe have a fort building contest....or something. how awesome would a fort building contest be?!?!?)

Organic Meatbag said...

another awesome time waster is to play video games!