Thursday, October 1, 2009

Starting a "Blog"? How to be successful:

Ha. Like I really know.

Starting a blog is such an awkward thing. You can't really just jump right into it.

FIRST (after figuring out how to set it least far enough for you to actually post your blogs, which I think I have done) you have to decide what kind of blog you want: serious, humorous, cynical, one chronicling your life events and daily thoughts, a social commentary on what's happening around the world, etc. (i see this one as being slightly cynical, self deprecating, hopefully sometimes humorous, but also a little serious at times, but definitely not boring......ok.....probably a little bit. but I'll try to keep it at a minimum.)

NEXT you have to make it known in your FIRST blog what your intent is. Your mission. Your goal. How you are going to (single-handedly, of course) change the world with your blog. (which, at the moment, i have no idea what that is. no. thats a lie. i do have the goal of becoming a better and *slightly* more creative writer.....though i'm still set in the old-fashion ways of thinking that in order to be a successful writer you must use a pen and paper, and that blogging on the internet is NOT going to make me a better writer.....but we are in the 21st century now, so what the hey, right?)

THEN you have to talk about yourself (because what's the point of blogging if you don't tell, nay, SHOW everybody just how awesomely-rad you are? Right?) Also, who wants to read a blog about someone nobody knows about? BOOOORRRIIIIINNNGGG. (i think I'll wait on this section though. i don't want to dilute my awesome-ness by making it share with my first post on the What, Where, Why's of my first blog. my awesome-ness deserves its OWN blog. yeah. i said it.)

FINALLY you need to get a cult following (the number of people reading your blog directly correlates with how cool/awesome/popular you are....and the reason you have a blog is so that other people can also comment you how cool/awesome/popular you are......even though you already knew that) My problem is that since I am so deeply ashamed that I'm actually succumbing to the ways of blogging, I am going to vehemently deny, deny, deny having one....which will result in finding it difficult to create a following. (catch-22, eh?)

All that being said, where do I start now? Generally the beginning is a good idea. But, being as that was a loooong time ago and would take too much time (as well as be slightly boring for most).....I won't start there.

Another good place to start (I think, anyway) is with the question "Why?" maybe I'll start with that:

Why have I decided to jumped on the blogging bandwagon?
Answer: I've been putting it off thinking I was too good for such a narcissistic waste of time. I mean, really, 1) I already know how awesome I am, why do I have to blog about it and make other people tell me as well? 2) I have a life. Blogging is for the pathetic loser with no job who just sits on the couch all day with nothing to do but play around on the internet checking facebook every 10 minutes to see if anybody has posted anything new on my wall yet (which they haven't). And 3) being that I have a life, I am much too busy doing things to blog about them.

Then I thought about it and realized.....what am I thinking?! I don't have a life. Or a job (at the moment, anyway). As much as I actually do go out and do stuff, I also spend a lot of time sitting on the couch (or at the table) checking my facebook every 10 minutes to see if anyone has posted anything new on my wall (which, generally, they haven't). And as for not needing people to tell me how awesome I am.....uhh....hello!? Who doesn't like being told by everybody how awesome they are (no matter how much they already know that as a fact)?! Nobody, thats who!

So.....that brings us to here. With me. Starting a blog. So. What the hell. All the cool kids are doing it, right? We'll see where it goes. if only I could figure out how this thing works.....

1 comment:

Allie said...

Blogging is so shameful. That's exactly why I have been too ashamed to tell people that I have one. I don't want my friends from high school to be like "do you remember Allie Brosh? Well she has a blog now... what a loser! Can you believe we voted her to be homecoming princess? I guess her life didn't really pan out the way it seemed it would..."

I know I'm awesome and everything (I mean, I was the fucking homecoming princess - that's like winning the Nobel Peace Prize), but sometimes I look at my life and think "I fucking have a fucking blog... could I possibly be any more of a loser?" And the answer is yes because I also do not have a life or a job or any friends because, let's face it, Hamilton, MT is not exactly known for its vibrant social scene.

I also spend most of the day sitting on my couch, but instead of checking facebook every 10 minutes, I check my blog for new comments.

You'll quickly discover that comments are like meth and heroin all rolled into one juicy needle full of bliss. Do people inject meth into their veins?

Anyway, if people did take meth intravenously it would probably be a lot like getting new comments on their blog. They should have just started a blog instead of a drug habit. That is a much better life decision, even though the shame and feelings of failure remain the same.

I like your steps for setting up a blog successfully. I did step one (kind of...), then moved straight to step three because I absolutely couldn't wait to start talking about myself. I figured that people would figure out what my blog was about eventually. I also didn't know how to describe it... "me talking about inane things and telling stories about awesome things that used to happen to me before I became such a loser?" No. "Pathetic excuse for a human relives her glory days amid mindless commentary on interesting topics like grammar?" Still no. It is just undefinable. Like love. My blog is like love. There you go. That kind of works.

One thing that I really hated about starting a blog was thinking of the title. I was trying to be all clever, but now I just look at it and think "how lame am I?" I don't know if there is any way around that one though... it could have been worse, I guess.

And I truly hate the word "blog." It is just such an uncomfortable word. It sounds like what you would call the sound a dog makes just before it vomits. I don't want to be associated with that word in any way, but I have an unstoppable desire to talk about myself, so I have to make a few sacrifices.

Okay, I'll stop writing now. This comment is longer than some blog posts.